I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
