Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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