If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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