youre lurking in front of me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
