and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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