i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize