why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
