the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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