So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
