U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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