my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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