she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
