Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
now i know why i became what i already was.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I stole a fireplace last night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
