he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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