1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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