is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If I die, sorry about rent.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
