i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We are all done wearing pants today
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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