I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
cat food counts as protein by the way
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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