Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Found your dick twin last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
