so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
