I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
