If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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