Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
