How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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