it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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