I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
