420 ftw
I didn't shave. On purpose
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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