i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
