I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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