guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
