Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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