i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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