you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
