Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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