I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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