If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
