Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
