just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
