It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
