I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
