How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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