At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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