I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
