I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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