I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
