Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
