There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize