shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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