if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
