I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i believe in u and ur pee
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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