She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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