i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
