I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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