I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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