I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
