im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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