So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
