i don't like sucking hair
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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