I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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