watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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