you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
