So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
