I want to have your abortion
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
