First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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