So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
