FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
