I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
