Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dick very happy bro
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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