if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
