After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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