why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Still dying that you shit outside
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
